So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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