At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
