I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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