White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
