70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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