How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
