so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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