My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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