Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
