I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
