We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
