started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
organizing the empties. That sober.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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