I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
