im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
