theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
