worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
