i'm signing you up for texting rehab
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Randomize
