Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
