You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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