How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
