now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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