I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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