I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
