maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
