Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
