Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
