Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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