still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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