It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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