y did u give ur computer a hand job?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
