my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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