Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
