im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
