Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
