And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
