I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
