fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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