First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
