I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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