id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You made out with two different species that night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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