allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
im on a boat
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