Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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