What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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