Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
