I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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