i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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