he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
