All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
