anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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