My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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